Artemis' best friend or maybe more
by bean15
Summary: used to be artemis in the cafeteria. changed the title. works better now. at first it was a oneshot, but not any more! ever wonder who arty's best friend really is? it's not butler... R&R please. chapter 4 is up!
1. Chapter 1

"Now Artemis, "Butler remarked that morning, "I know you will understand everything in the classroom, but once you get in the cafeteria, everything will change. "

"Butler, I hardly think that food will cause these adolescents to behave any differently than they will in an educational setting."

"Artemis, it's not the food. When you step into that cafeteria, you're in their world. On their turf. The game is played by their rules, and the rules are never the same for long. "

"What on earth is so special about a dining hall?"

"Everyone is there. The students all have their own place in the hierarchy. They have a strict system of popularity. It's quite complex. "

"How complicated can a simple high school hierarchy be?"

"Complicated." Said Juliet, Butler's sister, hardly the little girl he still thought of her as, since she had just celebrated her nineteenth birthday. "Trust me Artemis. I know. I went to both public and private school when I was younger. Your place in the cafeteria is everything. "

"I still don't understand. How is a chair responsible for one's popularity? "

"Hey," she said. " I did't say it made any sense, but that's the way it is, so suck it up and deal, little man." Artemis ' mouth hung open for a full five seconds before he had a mental image of himself as a halibut with his jaws wide open. He quickly shut his mouth, and Juliet laughed. "You're going to have to have faster reflexes than that if you're going to live through your first day at high school." Butler realized his sister was more educated in the matters he was trying to impart to Artemis. Perhaps she would have more success, but he doubted it. Butler quickly left and retired to his room to read the latest manual for jet planes. Juliet explained to Artemis the basic unwritten laws of the cafeteria.

"Who you sit with is the biggest thing. There are the varsity jocks, the JV jocks, the drama kids, the artsy kids, the band geeks, the popular girls, the girls who eat their feelings, the girls who don't eat anything, the gangster cool kids, and the popular guys who are mostly just jackasses when you look closely. Think you got all that?" Artemis just sat and stared at her. "Oh, I forgot one group, the most important as far as you're concerned."

"There's more?" groaned Artemis, completely overwhelmed already, and trying hard not to show it. He had no idea where you sat to eat made such a difference in these people's lives. "Yes Artemis. There's one more. The studious kids."

"Now you're finally starting to make some sense." Here was a group that he could possible fit in with. "You realize that, even if you by some lucky miracle you wind up sitting with them, you probably won't talk much, that they' all just be doing homework?"

"What do you mean 'lucky miracle?'" an indignant Artemis demanded.

"Artemis, you need to meet someone early in the day so you can sit with them. If you walk into the cafeteria without a clue and stand there forever, looking for a place to sit, you'll never find one, because everyone will always see you as the idiot that no one wanted at their table the first day. And nicknames stick Artemis. Forever. " He knew whatever nickname the kids gave him would not be pleasant, but he knew he could bear it. Probably. Maybe. Hopefully. Anyway, Juliet was saying something else, and Artemis decided he should listen. "…probably be talking about it too, so put your eavesdropping skills to work on this one."

"On what?"

"Ugh, Artemis, you're infuriating! Pay attention when I' m trying to help you. I said the smart kids, the ones you'll want to hang out with, will probably be talking about schoolwork too, so you'll want to listen to people's conversations too, and if the tragedy their discussing is that Friends is no longer on television instead of Macbeth or Julius Caesar, then you know you have the wrong people. Honestly, Artemis, you're such a bad listener it's no wonder you don't have a girlfriend." That stung, thought Artemis. But why, though? It was't as though he cared what girls thought, especially what they thought about him. Girls were a force that could't be explained, no matter his large intellect tried. So he never bothered. Once, he'd made a derogatory comment towards a girl and her friend had demanded that Artemis apologize to the girl whose feelings he had hurt. When Artemis had complied with the request, the girl who before had been crushed instantly turned into a nasty and vile creature, calling Artemis an ugly freak, and telling him that no one liked him, no one at all. She made him feel two inches tall, and although he had not shown it at that particular encounter, he had never felt quite the same pride in himself since.

But that was all behind him now. He was beyond childish insults. Or was he? If the incident was behind him, then why did he still remember it, particularly when Juliet remarked on the absence of a girlfriend in his life? "I don't have a girlfriend because I don't want one."

"Sure you don't Artemis, If you wanted a girlfriend, then you could have one by the time you went to bed tonight. If not then, definitely by Monday morning."

"Seriously?"

"_Seriously_." A girlfriend. Me, have a girlfriend. A real girlfriend. A smile crept across his face that was quite unlike his usual devious grin. Juliet saw it and smirked. "_Sure_ you don't want a girlfriend." Artemis blushed. "I know what's going on behind that smile Artemis, "she teased. Artemis blushed even deeper. "Artemis, did you know your face is about the color of the downstairs carpet?" Juliet went into a fit of giggles. "I love seeing you blush! I've never seen it before! I guess you've never had anything to blush about. " She dissolved into spurts of laughter, and Artemis went scarlet.


	2. Chapter 2

Although Artemis had been truly embarrassed by Juliet's antics over the abnormally pink pigmentation in his cheeks, he nevertheless resolved to get a good night's sleep for his first day at his new, private, co-ed school tomorrow. He figured he would need it.

When his head hit the pillow, he tried to drift peacefully off to sleep, but, unbidden, a twinge of fear crept inside his mind. He shook his head to dispatch it. He didn't ask for it, fear had no right to come into his thoughts like that, especially when he didn't ask for it. He went into his anti-anxiety routine, and slowly, with deep breaths, drifted off to sleep.

Artemis woke with a start, the jarring ring of his alarm clock abruptly bringing him to his senses. "Awake, are we?" said Juliet with a grin. "I thought you'd need a bit of a jump start this morning. It is your big day, you know." She laughed and walked out. Artemis sat up, dazed. He shook his head to clear his dream and reenter reality, and realized he should have throttled Juliet. _No matter_, he thought. His mother would be on his case anyway about being on time. She would want him to be at school extra early, so he would have a head start on making friends. He had not bothered to point out that the other children would have had twelve years head start on "making friends."

"Making friends," his mother called it. He couldn't stand the phrase, or the thought of "making friends" with these children. He refused to think of them as his peers. He was far more intelligent than they were. And yet, here he was, still stupidly sitting in bed like a mindless idiot, when he could have been getting dressed. He was sure he could have been doing both at the same time.

His mind went back to his conversation with Juliet the night before, and realized he had another reason to throttle her. This whole girlfriend business. He was perfectly happy with his intellect as his companion; he did not need female company. It would be far too difficult to find a female whose intellect was worthy of his. And yet, he was _still_ sitting in bed; he hadn't moved an inch. "Artemis? I knew you needed a jump start, but I didn't know it was this bad. Get up!"

"Juliet!" the sound of her laughter echoed down the hall. Artemis finally got up and threw on the Armani suit, tie, and loafers that had been shined, ironed and pressed the night before. Twenty minutes later, he appeared downstairs and Juliet took one look at him and stopped in her tracks on the way to the fridge. "Oh no. You are _not _wearing that."

"What?"

"Get your Armani butt back upstairs and change into the clothes I laid out for you on your dresser."

"But—"

"Just do it!"

Artemis went back upstairs, muttering all the way. He looked on his dresser and saw khakis, a plain brown belt, a white tee-shirt, and a soft plaid red short-sleeved shirt with a folded collar. Not a button-down collar, like he preferred. He almost threw the clothes away. But his curiosity got the better of him. He put the clothes on, just to satisfy his brain that he would look absolutely hideous in them, but when he put them on, he was pleasantly surprised. Juliet knew her fashion, and she had accessorized well. "Not bad," he said as he looked at himself in his mirror. "Not bad at all."


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I do not own artemis fowl, nor any of the wonderful characters that mr. colfer has created. I do own everyone else though. **

**And, I an extremely sorry for not updating for forever and a day. I know how frustrating that is, but I had a major case of writer's block. Sorry again!'**

**Anyway, here's a new chappie…..enjoy!**

As Artemis looked himself over in his mirror, Juliet came in and yanked him out of his room toward the breakfast table. "Yeah yeah, you look great, just like I told you. But if you don't have breakfast, your newly achieved good looks won't matter. No girl is going to talk to you if your stomach is rumbling like a gorilla." For the third time in as many days, Artemis blushed.

He ate his breakfast in silence, once more derisively thinking of the _children_ he would be forced to interact with at this new school of his. He was so lost in thought that he didn't acknowledge Butler guiding him to the Fowl Bentley and driving him to school. His reverie was broken only when Butler snapped his fingers. "Artemis!"

"What?"

"We're here."

"We can't possibly be here, Butler. It's only been a few seconds."

"Actually, we've been driving for over twenty minutes." _'Oh'_ would have been quite a superfluous statement, so Artemis declined to say it. He gathered his belongings and slid out of the Bentley. As he walked away, he heard Butler call his name from the car. He turned, and assured Butler that he would indeed be alright, that he would not forget where his classes were, that he did have his lunch money, and he would remember to be waiting here at 4:30. Artemis sighed as Butler drove away. Honestly, just because he was sixteen didn't mean that he must act like a mindless idiot.

Artemis turned back towards the school and looked up. His mouth hung open for a second before he closed it with a snap. He may have done that in front of Juliet, but he would not look like a fool here. He simply wouldn't stand for it. He heard a giggle behind him. When he turned, he saw a girl looking at him as she walked up the stairs to enter the building. She had obviously seen him with his mouth hanging open.

She turned back to look at him, and Artemis noticed her sapphire blue eyes. He wondered how he had missed them the first time. She giggled again, and Artemis realized his mouth was open again. He quickly closed it and offered her a small smile. She laughed out loud this time, and shook her head as if she was chastising him, and walked inside, leaving Artemis dumbfounded.


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of mr. colfer's wonderful characters. at least, I don't think I do. just kidding………I really don't own any of them. but everyone else is mine. especially finn!!! (mr. colfer says in ****the artemis fowl files**** that artemis' best friend is named finn…that much credit goes to him)**

**thanks to everyone who reviewed…sorry that it's been so long since I wrote anything, but AP exams were horrible…'nuff said.**

**italics are thoughts…**

**on with chapter 4!!!**

As Artemis walked inside the building to his advisor's classroom, his mind wandered to the girl he'd seen in front of the building. Come to think of it, she was rather attractive. Actually, she was _very_ attractive. Those eyes, that smile, that body…_Where did that come from?_ he wondered. He gave his head a small shake in attempt to dislodge any other unruly thoughts and continued down the hall.

On his left, a group of girls who hadn't seen each other in some time squealed a greeting. Apparently, they were happy to see each other again. Artemis closed his eyes and winced, sincerely hoping that his eardrums had not been too severely damaged. Unfortunately, he couldn't see where he was going with his eyes closed, and as a result, he smacked right into someone else.

At first, Artemis was embarrassed. But when he opened his eyes and saw who he had knocked to the ground, he was mortified. If it had been a teacher he wouldn't have cared, nor would he have troubled himself over almost any student. It wasn't the headmaster either. It was worse. It was the girl with the sapphire eyes that had laughed at him when he'd first arrived. He reached out a hand to help her up while he stammered an apology. _Why was he stammering? Why does she have such an effect on me?_

As he helped her up, she smiled at his attempt to apologize and said quite matter-of-factly, "It's alright. Don't worry about it." She brushed herself off, and then she looked at Artemis more closely. "What's your name? I haven't seen you here before."

"Yes you have," countered Artemis. "You laughed at me this morning outside this building not ten minutes ago."

"Oh……….oh! I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. I just thought you looked a little funny. I didn't mean anything by it. And anyway, it looks like you already got me back for it," she said with a grin, and gestured to the floor. Artemis blushed a deep pink. It seemed that this blushing was becoming a habit. "I-I didn't…I mean…well…" Artemis stopped and furrowed his brow. He was at a loss for words, something that had only happened twice before in his life, and not since he was six years old. He decided to downshift to a statement that was a little more basic. Something he knew. "I'm Artemis Fowl. The…the second. And who might I have the pleasure of meeting this morning?"

"Finn. Finn Draycott. Pleased to meet you, Artemis." She offered her hand for him to shake. He did, and was surprised to find that holding her hand made his tingle. She really was pretty. Beautiful. She……….there he went again with those crazy thoughts about her. Finn smiled at him again and said, "You're new." It wasn't a question. "Yes. How did you know?"

"I've been at this school since pre-kindergarten. I know everyone, except the new kids. Well, you're not a kid, but you know what I meant, right?"

"I- yes. Yes, I know what you mean." Artemis rubbed the back of his neck. Then he spoke again. "May I change the subject?"

"Sure."

"Could you possibly point the way to my advisor's classroom? As I'm new, I don't know exactly where it is."

"I could, but it wouldn't help you much." She paused at the confused look Artemis gave her. "Let me explain."

"Please do," he said with a small smile. Finn smiled back, then continued. "On the first day of school, we meet as a high school in the Commons, that big room when you first walk in. we have shortened classes too, because we also have the all-school Convocation."

"Ah. Thank you. You're the first person that's been helpful to me today." Artemis sighed and smiled at Finn. "May I…may I sit with you this morning?" He bit his lip. Maybe this wasn't the right time to ask, or the right way to ask. Maybe Finn wasn't the right person to ask. _That's ridiculous. She had to be. She sounded eloquent, she had attended the school for years, she knew all the teachers, she was beautiful……wait. That had nothing to do with anything. Well, maybe not anything. Surely her looks had to do with something…_Artemis shook his head again. Best stick to the current situation, as Juliet had so graciously reminded him the night before.

Finn's voice brought Artemis out of his thoughts. "Artemis? Hello? Are you in there?" She laughed again. It was bright and musical. Artemis couldn't help but smile at the sound. "Yes, I'm here." Finn smiled too. "Good. Of course you can sit with me. You don't have to ask. Come on, let's go in now. The seniors get the best seats."

"Why?" asked Artemis. "Seniority," Finn replied, smirking slightly. Artemis smiled. They walked into the commons together, and Artemis followed Finn towards two seats on the window sill. Finn waved to her friends, but she didn't leave Artemis alone.

She turned to talk to him, but then someone stepped to the podium to speak, and everyone quieted. Finn put her hand on Artemis' shoulder and gave it a squeeze. A surge of foreign emotion burst through Artemis' heart, and he looked at her before quickly glancing away again. He knew for a certified fact that he was blushing.


End file.
